Filed under: Success Tips
How to Reduce Anxiety
There has never been a better time for worry. We have problems everywhere with the Iraqi war, potential terrorism and an unstable economy.
According to the news, we are seeing more businesses closing down, more home foreclosures and more people going broke. They say we have less confidence and greater anxiety.
Add in work problems or marriage problems and you get ANXIETY.
Symptoms
You worry about everything, big things, little things, imaginary things
You are afraid of making mistakes
You find it hard to make decisions
You feel nervous for no reason
You feel dizzy or weak or tired
You imagine the worst
Your body is tense
You sleep poorly
Three False Solutions
1. You visit your doctor and get a prescription for some anti-anxiety medication. After a few weeks, you feel calmer.
However, you dislike adding chemicals to your body. You don’t want the side effects. You hate needing a drug for your happiness.
2. You visit your local bar or liquor cabinet. After a drink or two you also feel calm.
Alcohol has the same disadvantages. You worry about your liver or alcoholism. You hate hangovers. You wish your happiness did not come from a bottle.
3. You go to a hypnotist or buy “subliminal” tapes that give you commands while you sleep.
If you can go under, you feel calmer after the sessions.
But again, you hate not being in control of your feelings, good or bad. Your anxiety comes back in new forms. You wonder what other commands the hypnotist gave to you.
One Simple, Powerful Solution
By making one easy change in your lifestyle, you can cut out a significant amount of stress and anxiety. All you do is stop listening to the Merchants (sellers, distributors) of Chaos (disorder, confusion).
“It is to their [the Chaos Merchants’] interest to make the environment seem as threatening as possible for only then can they profit.”
“Look over a newspaper. Is there anything good on the front page? Rather there is murder and sudden death, disagreement and catastrophe. And even that, bad as it is, is sensationalized to make it seem worse.” — L. Ron Hubbard
Anyone who profits from the suffering of others becomes a Chaos Merchant if they seek to increase their income or popularity by making the world seem worse than it is.
For example, a politician makes crime seem like a bigger problem than anyone ever thought it was. He promises to fight crime better than his opponent. He wins if he scares enough people.
An arms dealer tells one country, “This country has secretly purchased some bombs and has pointed them at you. You need to buy some bombs and point them at their capital.”
Certain lawyers are Chaos Merchants. For example, they say, “A friend of mine in the District Attorney’s office told me they are going to investigate you and want to put you in jail. I can probably keep you out of jail, but my retainer is $75,000.”
Of course, newspapers, news magazines and television news make the most money by spreading as much bad news as possible. The more terrifying the news, the more people will watch their television news or buy their papers and magazines. They make us think we have to listen to them to protect ourselves.
Recommendations
1. Stop reading newspapers and news magazines. Just completely cut out the news in your life.
Instead, read an interesting book.
2. Stop watching the news on television. How does it help you or anyone to know about deaths, danger and catastrophes?
Instead, watch an upbeat show or take a walk.
3. Avoid people who like to pass on disturbing “news.”
Instead, spend time with people who like to pass on cheerful news.
4. After 7-10 days, notice how you have been feeling.
5. If you are not sure if the chaos merchants really have any effect on you, do the above steps for 7-10 days. And then go back and read the newspapers, watch the news and listen to disturbing people for a few days. Notice how you feel now.
Benefits
Nearly everyone who breaks off all association with Chaos Merchants notices benefits like these.
* You find other parts of your life are more interesting.
* You notice your life feels less dangerous.
* You eat better and sleep better.
* You laugh more easily.
* You are less afraid.
* You feel healthier.
* You feel calmer.
“Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.”
www.tipsforsuccess.org.
November 27, 2009
How to Handle Difficult People
A bully at your work is difficult for you to face. He is demanding you do part of his job without pay or credit. How do you handle it?
Your neighbors are constantly fighting. They wake you up in the middle of the night with their screams and curses. What do you say to them?
Your father is unhappy about your career choice. He constantly criticizes your work and points out what he thinks you should do. How do you deal with him?
Difficult situations are part of everyone’s life. Employers and employees can’t get along. Partners clash over money. Spouses cannot resolve disagreements.
If you ignore these situations, they always get worse. Employees get fired, partnerships and marriages break up, everyone is miserable.
Waiting and worrying, the most common “solution,” also allows the problem to get worse while giving you stress and shortening your life span.
If you attack the person, at least you are trying to fix the problem. But attacks, rage or irrational anger gives you a bad name, makes people afraid of you and reduces honest communication.
Disconnecting from the problem or from the person is not always wise or practical. Losing employees, supporters and friends because you needlessly disassociate from them may reduce your stress, but you might also become lonely and poor.
The Best Solution Is to Confront and Handle People
“The ability to stand up to and confront and handle whatever comes the way of the organization depends utterly on the ability of the individuals of the organization to stand up to, confront and handle what comes the individual’s way.” — L. Ron Hubbard
When you face and resolve the problem yourself, you feel wonderful. You are in control of your life. You not only conquer the opposition, you conquer your fear. Few accomplishments are more satisfying than confronting someone who is difficult to face and handling the conflict.
How to Confront and Handle Someone
By getting organized and working out a plan of action, confronting and handling people becomes much easier. The key is your preparation.
“THE SUCCESS OF ANY EVENT IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE TIMELY PREPARATION.” — L. Ron Hubbard
Follow these seven steps to prepare yourself for dealing with the difficult people in your life.
1. Make the decision to face up to the person directly and by yourself.
2. Write down the exact problem you need to handle and your goal for the confrontation.
Examples of problems to be confronted that you might write down:
“Joe is refusing to pay me despite our agreement.”
“Chris is hurting office morale and causing me stress with her continual complaining.”
“Bob is supposedly telling people that my work is inferior and I am dishonest.”
Once you specifically name or identify the problem, write down a goal for the meeting. “By the end of the meeting, I want . . . .”
Examples of goals or objectives you might want as a result of a confrontation:
“Joe pays me in full.”
“Chris stops complaining or leaves.”
“Learn the truth about Bob’s comments and if true, get him to stop it.”
In some cases, your objective may also state:
“Figure out if I want this person as a partner/employee/boss/friend.”
3. Write down a Plan or List of Points You Need to Make to Support Your Goal: Facts, Reasons and explanations you may need the other person to understand. List the points in order of priority or importance.
For example, to get Joe to understand why he must pay you, you might make these points:
A. Joe requested the service.
B. Joe signed an agreement to pay for the service.
C. We provided the service as promised.
D. Joe was happy with the service.
E. Etc.
4. Write down objections, reactions or disagreements the other person may have. Include everything you are afraid might happen during the meeting. Putting specific concerns and fears in writing reduces their impact on you.
For each objection, reaction or disagreement you expect will happen, write a solution of how you will deal with each.
5. Organize your notes and gather supportive documents.
6. Arrange the meeting where you will not be disturbed, preferably in a space you control.
7. Start the meeting.
A. Look the person directly in the eye.
B. Explain the specific problem you want to resolve as you noted in Step 2.
C. Go over your first point on the list from Step 3.
D. Listen carefully to the other person and make certain they feel understood.
E. Hold a position on your points.
F. Use your solutions to their reactions as you worked out in Step 4.
G. Continue describing your points and listening to the person’s side.
H. Do not give up. Communicate and persist for as long as it takes to reach your goal.
The more frequently you confront and handle difficult people, the easier it becomes. The amount of time it takes to prepare for a confrontation decreases. You become strong and tough.
When you confront and handle everyone around you, people respect you for your courage, your honesty and your control. Your associates, employees or coworkers follow your example and become more productive. Your enemies either become harmless or become friends.
Taking positive organized action, despite fear, is the kind of courage all successful people must have to succeed.
“Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.”
www.tipsforsuccess.org.
November 27, 2009
How to Get Along with Your Spouse (and Others)
When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?
Some spouses like to blame. “You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home.”
Other spouses prefer to criticize. “You’re so fat it makes me sick.”
Getting even is also a favorite response. “Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat.”
By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship. You start arguments and fights. Just because your parents reacted badly toward each other is no reason you need to continue the tradition.
Cause and Effect
When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.
There are two types of relationships:
1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.
For example, husband John says, “Mary, you ran over the neighbor’s gate. How could you be so stupid?”
John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.
2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage others to assume the cause point as well. This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes:
“If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame.
“Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor’s gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!’ John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John’s car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands.
“John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones’s gate with the car.’ John says, `Yes, I know. We’ve already repaired it.” Mary says, `I’m sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.’ John says, `That’s all right. What about the bathroom curtains?’ Mary says, I want to dye them blue.’ John says, `That’s a good idea.’
“If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John’s and Mary’s attention, since it represents future action.” — L. Ron Hubbard
Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility.
Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments.
Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage.
Give it a try!
“Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.”
www.tipsforsuccess.org.
November 27, 2009
Are You a Professional?
How you look, talk, write, act and work determines whether you are a professional or an amateur. Society does not emphasize the importance of professionalism, so people tend to believe that amateur work is normal. Many businesses accept less-than-good results.
Schools graduate students who cannot read. You can miss 15% of the driving-test answers and still get a driver license. “Just getting by” is an attitude many people accept. But it is the attitude of amateurs.
“Don’t ever do anything as though you were an amateur.
“Anything you do, do it as a Professional to Professional standards.
“If you have the idea about anything you do that you just dabble in it, you will wind up with a dabble life. There’ll be no satisfaction in it because there will be no real production you can be proud of.
“Develop the frame of mind that whatever you do, you are doing it as a professional and move up to professional standards in it.
“Never let it be said of you that you lived an amateur life.
“Professionals see situations and they handle what they see. They are not amateur dabblers.
“So learn this as a first lesson about life. The only successful beings in any field, including living itself, are those who have a professional viewpoint and make themselves and ARE professionals” — L. Ron Hubbard
A professional learns every aspect of the job. An amateur skips the learning process whenever possible.
A professional carefully discovers what is needed and wanted. An amateur assumes what others need and want.
A professional looks, speaks and dresses like a professional. An amateur is sloppy in appearance and speech.
A professional keeps his or her work area clean and orderly. An amateur has a messy, confused or dirty work area.
A professional is focused and clear-headed. An amateur is confused and distracted.
A professional does not let mistakes slide by. An amateur ignores or hides mistakes.
A professional jumps into difficult assignments. An amateur tries to get out of difficult work.
A professional completes projects as soon as possible. An amateur is surrounded by unfinished work piled on top of unfinished work.
A professional remains level-headed and optimistic. An amateur gets upset and assumes the worst.
A professional handles money and accounts very carefully. An amateur is sloppy with money or accounts.
A professional faces up to other people’s upsets and problems. An amateur avoids others’ problems.
A professional uses higher emotional tones: Enthusiasm, cheerfulness, interest, contentment. An amateur uses lower emotional tones: anger, hostility, resentment, fear, victim.
A professional persists until the objective is achieved. An amateur gives up at the first opportunity.
A professional produces more than expected. An amateur produces just enough to get by.
A professional produces a high-quality product or service. An amateur produces a medium-to-low quality product or service.
A professional earns high pay. An amateur earns low pay and feels it’s unfair.
A professional has a promising future. An amateur has an uncertain future.
The first step to making yourself a professional is to decide you ARE a professional.
Are you a professional?
“Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.”
www.tipsforsuccess.org.
November 27, 2009
| Orderly Progress = PowerMany of those who wish to succeed find relief and an improved attitude from this quote:
“THE TOTALITY OF POWER IS ORDERLY PROGRESS.” — L. Ron Hubbard
Discouragement and frustration from not making your goals quickly enough are resolved through orderly progress.
Do you ever get frustrated because your life is not the way you want it? Perhaps you are trying to skip steps necessary to reaching your goals. Instead of demanding PERFECTION TODAY!, focus on orderly progress and your odds of success are much higher.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? If so, orderly progress becomes even more important. Confronting huge amounts of work is not overwhelming when you see yourself making orderly progress, even in small amounts, toward your goals.
Do you ever feel like you are losing ground or failing? If you map out your actual goal and move one inch closer on a regular basis, you have new power.
Do you ever feel like you are treading water and going nowhere? It is time for you to focus on some orderly progress.
How do you eat an elephant? How do you move a mountain? How to you reach huge goals? One mouthful, one rock and one step at a time.
Examples: giving a positive impression to one more person; learning one more new skill; lessening one bad habit, investing a few more dollars in savings. Daily progress in a specific direction creates long-term power when the progress is constant and orderly.
If you have been dissatisfied with your progress in life, or if you feel discouraged, overwhelmed or frustrated, make a list of orderly steps you can take every day and every week. Calm, direct, orderly steps.
Once you have your strategy worked out there is no need to worry about the past or the future—just concentrate on the present; on the steps of this plan. By putting order into your progress, nothing and nobody can stop you.
A mountain creek is more powerful than a granite boulder when the creek slowly and surely wears the boulder down. Orderly progress toward your goals starts with small, positive steps.
You can generate new power from this week forward. Deciding to have orderly progress is the first step.
“Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.”
www.tipsforsuccess.org. |
November 27, 2009
| The Road to Success is in the Fast LaneYou succeed based on the quality of your work, the amount of work we can do and one other factor: speed. How fast can you go?
“THE RAPIDITY OF PARTICLE FLOW ALONE DETERMINES POWER.” — L. Ron Hubbard
The power and progress of our society is based on speed. When your particle flow (information, services, goods and so on) is slow, the rest of the world speeds on by.
For example, can you imagine working without a computer, telephone, fax machine or the Internet?
Can you imagine traveling without a car or an airplane?
Imagine being in a world where the telegraph and railroad were major improvements.
Business Speed
Speed of particle flow determines the power of a business. The faster the business’ particles (service, sales, payment, delivery and so on) the more prosperous it becomes.
For example, you want to buy carpet for your home. Two companies sell the exact carpet you want.
One says, “We can install it in six weeks” and the other says, “We can install it tomorrow.” Who do you pick?
If the price and quality are comparable, the company that can deliver the goods the fastest always wins in the end. In many cases, speed is more important than quality or price.
For example, fresh ripe tomatoes from Mexico in February may cost more, but they sell out quickly. Without fast delivery, they are inedible.
Imagine fast service in all areas.
You call and say, “Hello, I was calling to see if you could send someone to fix my furnace.”
The furnace company says, “Is ten minutes okay?”
You call your dentist and ask, “How soon can I see the doctor?”
The receptionist says, “How about 1:00 today?”
You call an auto dealer and say, “I’d like a fully-loaded 2003 Midnight Blue Mercedes 450SL with white leather seats.”
The dealer says, “It’s right here. You can pick it up or we can deliver it to you in an hour.”
Business owners who take forever to make decisions soon lose money. Managers who can spot problems and correct them within minutes are valuable and hard to find. Workers who move like lightening are soon promoted.
Companies that can quickly change their direction are the most successful. For example, chain bookstores did not start selling books over the Internet until Amazon.com was in business long enough to work out their systems and take over the market. Chain bookstores lost millions because they took too long to act.
Personal Success
How quickly can you move the particles (communications, projects, services and so on) in your life or work? How fast are you?
When you wait, avoid and make excuses, you kill your speed. You delay your success.
When you respond quickly, act without delay and complete tasks faster than anyone else, you have power.
For example, high-school graduates Lynn and Chris both want to become school teachers.
Lynn says, “I’ve got all those years of school in front of me. I’m taking a year off to ride my bike around Europe before I start.”
Chris says, “I can’t wait to teach. I’m taking classes this summer and will get my degree in three years.”
Who do you think becomes the other’s principal?
The only road to significant success is in the fast lane.
Ten Tips for Speeding up Your Success
1. Jump into projects as soon as possible.
2. Act quickly on opportunities. If you see what you want, jump on it before you lose the chance.
3. Push yourself to walk faster, talk faster, read faster and move faster.
4. Keep up your speed with good habits: sufficient sleep, good food, regular exercise and so on.
5. Reduce or eliminate people or things that delay or stop you from moving quickly.
6. Whenever you think something can’t be done quickly, ask “Why not?”
7. Constantly look for faster methods to get the same result.
8. Send and return communications with as little delay as possible.
9. Set tough deadlines for completing tasks and make them.
10. Challenge yourself by taking on more work than ever and getting it done in less time than ever.
“Copyright © 2009 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.”
www.tipsforsuccess.org |
November 27, 2009