The Panatang Makabayan is one of the two national pledges of the Philippines, recited after the national anthem (Lupang Hinirang) and before the other national pledge, the Panunumpa ng Katapatan sa Watawat (or the Pledge of Allegiance to the Philippine Flag), during flag ceremonies in public and private schools for or where majority of students are Filipinos.
Continue Leave a Comment September 2, 2010
Filipino 101
These are the words that are so unique and loaded in meaning that they will never find a direct translation in the English language.
Forget traditional dictionaries. Keep this.
1. Achuchu (A-chu-chu).
This refers to the pointless insincerities being said during long, involved conversations about nothing at all.
2. Ano (A-noh)
The all-around, all-purpose word for everything.
(1) Pronoun in interrogation: Ano? (What)
(2) Noun: Where is your ano? (Where is your father/mother/dead-uncle’s-second-cousin)
(3) Verb: Anuhin this.
(Paint/kill/maim/castrate this.)
(4) Adjective: This is so ano. (This is so pretty/big/astounding.)
(5) Interjection: Ano! (What the hell!)
(6) Substitute for genitalia: Did you ano your ano?
The use of ano is quite dangerous for the untrained ear, and must be put into the proper setting. “Honey, the ano is too long, we have to cut it,” must be accompanied by the proper understanding of the context, as results may be critical to a couple’s future.
3. Booba (boo-bah).
A female blessed with larger than usual mammary glands, which can be used as weapons of mass destruction.
4. Checheboreche (Che-che-boh-re-che)
Same as achuchu. It is interesting to ponder on the reason why there are so many words in the Filipino language that beautifully describe meaningless chatter.
5. Epal (Eh-pal).
An individual who believes he is God.
6. Gigil (gee-gil).
An uncontrollable desire to bite something.
7. Hipon (Hee-pon).
Literally “shrimp,” whose body is eaten while its head is thrown away, this refers to a female whose body is to die for and whose face looks like it belongs to the dead.
8. Kikay (kee-kay).
Refers to individuals who carry a brush, hand wash, moisturizer, lip-gloss and various other facial enhancements in a case (aptly called a kikay kit) inside her bag. Recent inspections of various backpacks have led to the conclusion it is not a purely female trait. This breed cannot resist checking themselves out on mirrors, glass windows, bread knives, sidewalk puddles and plastic-covered notebooks.
9. Kaekekan (Ka-ek-e-kahn)
Same as achuchu and chechebureche.
10. Kilig (keel-leg).
A rush of excitement due to the actions, presence or even mention of he whom you see as the future father of your children.
11. Laglag-panti (lag-lag-pan-tee).
A man so incredibly hot, so heart-stoppingly gorgeous and oozing with masculinity that female underwear (whether worn by males or females) falls to the ground without effort whatsoever.
12. Laglag-brip (lag-lag-brip).
The female counterpart of laglag-panti
13. Indyanero (In-jan-neh-ro).
An individual who fails to appear at anappointment without prior warning. Not to be confused with individuals who appear according to Filipino time (approximately 10 minutes before the meeting is to end)
14. Japorms (Jah-porms).
Describes an individual dressed differently from the usual (typically involves clothes that have been laundered and pant legs of roughly the same length).
15. Lagot (Lah-got)
A prophesy of evil things to come.
16. Para (Pah-rah).
A term that informs the driver of a jeep to stop and pause (usually in the middle of the road) as the individual speaking intends to leave the vehicle. Dangerous for individuals as drivers seem to believe having one foot in the air is all that is necessary for descent.
17. Takusa (Ta-kuh-sa).
Derived from takot sa asawa (afraid of wife), this is a term used to describe the silent (very silent) minority of males married to feminine reincarnations of
Hitler.
18. Torpe (tore-peh).
A gentleman who is desperately attracted to a female yet by some strange compulsion is reduced to a frozen mound of stuttering male whenever that female is near.
1 Comment October 23, 2009
First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an
OB-Gyn and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us.
While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw,and didn’t
worry about diabetes.
Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood
covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na
kahoy din at wala pang gulong.
We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers
(lampin lang), and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no
kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.
As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden
seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no
seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)
Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered
a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata)
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased
from 711 ( minsan straight from the faucet or poso)
We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE
actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.
We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the
shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke),
but we weren’t sick or overweight kasi nga……
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back
when the streetlights came on.Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso ,
habulan at taguan.
No one was able to reach us all day ( di uso ang cellphone , walang
beepers ). And yes, we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang
gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the
street , only to find out we forgot the brakes!After hitting the
sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we
learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at
all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no
IPOD’s,no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and
no Friendsters. …… …WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to
actually talk and play with them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were
no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is
from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung
kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !
We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a
little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of
getting germs in our stomachs.
We had to live with homemade guns ‘ gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng
rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng
makasakitan. .pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.
We made up games with sticks ( syatong ), and cans ( tumbang preso )
and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong
binulag o napatay.paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.
We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend’s house and
knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump
out the window!
Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn’t pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment.
Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na
yan. Ang pikon, talo.
Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tignan kung ayos lang ang mga bata,
hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.
That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever!
They are the CEO’s, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our
mistakes the hard way.
Additional notes:
For those of us who grew up in Sampaloc, you will remember seeing
dragonflies (tutubi) in the summer and fireflies (alitaptap) on some
evenings. You will remember bathing in the rain and not getting sick.
For those of us who had provinces to go to, you will remember riding
a carabao or a horse. Taking a bath at the river. Drinking water
from a well. Being embarassed to join the santacruzan march. Eating
exotic food (like dagang kosta, dagang bukid, salagubang, bayawak,
sawa, etc) our friends in Manila would squirm about.
For those of us who helped with the household chores, you will
remember polishing the floors with a coconut husk (bunot). Dyeing
clothes with Joe Bush. Washing the dishes with Perla. Cooking rice
in a pot measuring the water level using only your fingers. Running
errands to Akong’s corner store to buy your grandma’s Bataan Matamis
and keeping the change for your daily supply of Fat and Thin champuy
wafer.
For those of us who now have TVs in all the rooms in our house, you
will remember that back then, not everyone had a TV. Not one for
every household. There was such a thing as “makikinood” . And it
took ages to get a phone! There was such a thing as “makikitawag” .
Fortunely or unfortunately, entertainment back then was not
restricted to TV. There was radio. so, you will remember being
annoyed at the old folks’ insistence in listening to AM radio for
entertainment. Hence, names like Johnny De Leon and Ngongo, Damian
Sotto, Paeng Yabut, Tiya Dely, Kuya Cesar and Kuya Eddie mean
something to you.
Leave a Comment October 20, 2009
written by a foreigner who loves his wife.
* Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that
you recognize
* Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon
* Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker
* You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her
eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed
* All her relatives think your name is Joe
* The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that
you can’t tell apart
* Your house isn’t really on fire, but there is a very charred fish
right on top of the stove burner
* All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty…
* She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken
with ketchup
* Even the ketchup tastes weird… very weird
* You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin
off a dead pig
* All your kids have 4-5 middle names
* Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call
you by something other than “that white guy”
* You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you “for a
while” and you want to know “for a while, what??”
* You are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the
comFORT’r, and you ain’t got a clue what she’s talking about
* Your first Christmas present is some funny looking baggy see-thru
shirt made out of leftover lace doilies
* Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call
* She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on
* Her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante
* The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your
electric and food budget
* On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that
weigh 1000 pounds each and your “carry on” luggage requires a small
forklift truck
* The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of
15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms — the worst part is when
you get off the plane, the same stuff you’ve been hauling around half
way around the world is available in every store in the airport for
half the price!
* All her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama until
they got too faded
* The first time she’s pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the
morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages
* You buy a new _500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM that
was on sale
* Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don’t need
it ..as long as it was a “bargain” is all that matters
* She gets really excited by sucking the fat out of pig knees
* Your daughter gets her ears pierced when she’s 2 minutes old but
your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21
* All your postage bills instantly double
* You hire a Ya-Ya because your wife thinks you clean mirrors with
soap and a sponge and the Ya-Ya seems cheaper than a divorce
* The only “white meat” she likes is You, and that’s if you’re lucky
* Her favorite sauce is called “patis,” Americans call it turpentine
* She actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real
sports and are more important than baseball and football
* You were married 5 years before she explained to you that “ARAY!”
doesn’t mean “ooh, baby!”
* She prefers bistek to beef steak
* Her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the
slip covers
* She can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that’s her specialty!
* She thinks that the American National Anthem is The Macarena
* Her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jello
mold and for something REALLY romantic, she’ll offer you a halo-halo
with 2 straws
* You still don’t know what’s the difference between manong and manok
* She and the kids are always saying “Daddy made utot” and you still
don’t know what it means but they think it’s pretty funny
* Other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most
expressive form of communication is grunts and pssst’s
* She goes to the movies just for the AC
* Her homeland has more Megamalls than islands
* Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page
“bilins” list which says “suggestion only”
* Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle
* Her race is the only one known to be bigger cheapskates than the
Jews
* All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they
were grown at Chernobyl
* Your in-law’s first visit last 6 years
* Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not
allowed to smirk
* Her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta;
cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives
* Her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines
* All your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are
no knives
* She washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom
* Her favorite book (she has 3 copies) is “1001 New Recipes for Pig
Parts You Were Gunna Throw Out”
* You are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 2 Betamaxes, 3
televisions
* She’s done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she
manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before
* She “cleans” her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet
****
Leave a Comment October 20, 2009
You use ‘walis tambo’ and ‘walis ting-ting’ as opposed to a conventional broom
You own a karaoke machine
You own a piano that no one ever plays
You have a portrait of the Last Supper hanging on your dining room wall
You have a ‘tabo’ in your bathroom
You have a rose garden
Your house is cluttered with ‘burloloys’
You display a big laughing Buddha for good luck
You have a Santo Nino shrine in your living room
You own a ‘barrel man’ (schwing!) from Baguio
You have ‘parol’ displayed during the holidays
You cover your living room furniture with bed sheets
Your lampshades still have plastic covers on them
You have plastic runners to cover your carpets
You refer to VCR as ‘Betamax’ even if it’s a VHS
You own a rice dispenser
You own a turbo broiler
You own a lamp with oil that drips down to the strings
You have a giant wooden spoon and fork hanging in your dining room
You own Capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats
You have a pair of wooden tinikling dancers on your wall
You have ‘Weapons of Moroland’ shield hanging on your living room wall
Your wall to wall carpeting includes the ceiling
You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps
Your microwave, washer, TV, VCR, computer, printer, toaster and doorknobs are hidden under quilted covers
You have the entire Apo Hiking Society collection, plus maybe some Tito Mina and Pops Fernandez thrown in
There’s a pail in your bathroom, just in case there’s a water shortage or the toilet won’t flush
You have fly swatter in your kitchen
You have multiplex tapes
You buy song hit mixes like “New Wave Disco Hits”
Leave a Comment October 15, 2009
You point with your lips
You eat with your hand and have it down as a technique
Your other piece of luggage is a “Balikbayan Box”
You nod your head upwards to greet someone
You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbows on your knees while you eat
You use a rock to scrub yourself in the shower
You kiss relatives on the cheek when you enter the room
You’re standing next to eight big boxes at the airport
You collect items from hotels or restaurants as “souvenirs”
Your house has a distinctive aroma
You smile for no reason
You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly
You go to department stores and try bargain with the price
You scratch your head when you don’t know the answer
You never eat the last morsel of food on the table
You go bowling
You play pusoy or mahjong
You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun
You add an unwarranted ‘H’ to your name: Jhun, Bhoy, Rhon
You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say “Excuse, Excuse” when you pass in between people or in front of the TV
Your middle name is your mom’s maiden name
You like everything that is imported or ’stateside’
Your perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees
You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for events
You always offer food to your visitors
You put your arm on the other person’s shoulder if he or she is a close friend of yours
You draw a rectangle in the air when asking for the bill, which never fails to baffle the restaurant staff
You don’t sit on the bowl in public toilets, no matter what part of town or if your thighs ache like hell; and you flush the toilet with your feet
You think ‘tuck out’ is the opposite of ‘tuck in’
You tell everyone you meet where you studied and the intricacies of your family tree-just to show them you come from good stock – it never occurs to you that people may not have heard of your university or your clan’s last name
You show up late for work and your excuse is ‘I forgot to on the alarm’ or better yet ‘traffic eh’
You linger over the Tonite and Balita tabloids available at the Star Ferry, but quickly buy the Asian Wall Street Journal when other Filipinos start browsing
Brushing your teeth after lunch in the office lavatory is an unbreakable habit, even if your colleagues can’t bear touching the taps after you’ve drooled and spat all over them
Namedropping is your favorite sport when you meet up with new acquaintances from back home
Toni Braxton, Basia and Swing Out Sister are your idea of party music, you hardly listen to anything else
You sell Amway and Herbalife as sideline
You fight noisily with Cathay Pacific check-in staff over the size of handcarried luggage-which could be anything from oversized suitcases to major appliances
You underdeclare your income when you pay Phil tax, even if it’s peculiar that a consultant is paid little more than a domestic helper’s wages
At Immigration, when they call out ‘Maria’, you and 46 other women stand up
When they play ‘Anak’ anywhere, your chest swells with pride and say ‘that’s Filipino’
You think taking a shower and taking a bath are the same thing
You use shopping bags as garbage bags
You use laundry detergent to wash your dishes
You use print rags from an imported fashion magazine as cover of your textbooks and notebooks
You enjoy watching Pinoy action films with the same plot: Hero and villain are mortal enemies. Hero’s family’s killed by villain. Hero seeks revenge. Hero meets bar girl with sad tale of past love. She comes from a poor family, that’s why she’s working in the bar. They fall in love. Villain kidnaps girl, threatens to kill her if hero won’t stop harassing him and his henchmen. Hero rescues girl, they run away. Chase goes on in a dilapidated car. Hero finally kills villain and police arrive. Hero and girl live happily ever after.
Leave a Comment October 15, 2009
You say ‘for take out’ instead of ‘to go’ (’take away’ for Singaporean)
You ‘open’ and ‘close’ the lights
You ask for ‘Colgate’ instead of toothpaste
You ask for ‘pentel pen’ instead of a ballpen or pen
You refer to refrigerator as ‘ref’, ‘Frigidare’, or “pridyider”
You say ‘kodakan’ instead of take a picture
You order ‘McDonalds’ instead of hamburger, which you pronounce ‘ham-boor-jer’
You say ‘Ha?’ instead of ‘what?’
You say ‘Hoy!’ to get someone’s attention
You answer when someone yells ‘Hoy!’
You turn around when you hear ‘pssst’
You say ‘Cutex’ instead of nail polish
You say ‘for a while’ instead of ‘Please hold’ on the telephone
You say ‘he’ when you mean ’she’ and vice versa
Your sneeze sounds like ‘Ahh-ching’ instead of ‘Ahh-choo’
You say ‘Aray’ instead of ‘ouch’
You make acronyms for phrases: ‘OA’ = overacting, ‘DOM’ = dirty old man, and ‘TNT’ for… You know
You say ‘aircon’ instead of ‘A/C’ or airconditioner
You pronounce the ff. words: ‘Hippopo-TA-mus’, ‘com-FOR-table’, ‘Bro-CO-li’, and ‘Montgo-marry Ward’
You say ‘brown-out’ instead of ‘black-out’
You say ‘Ay’ or “Uy” instead of ‘oops’
You start with ‘actually’ when you’re trying to explain something
You say ‘comfort room’ instead of bathroom
You pronounce ‘fax’ as the four letter word
Ano’ and ‘di ba’ regularly slip out during conversations
You say, ‘my girlfriend will fetch,’ when foreigners think fetching is for dogs
You try hard to speak English and when you don’t know what to say next, you say ‘you know…’
You change your accent according to the person you’re talking to
When someone’s pregnant, you say ’she’s on the way’
You say ‘ayyss—!’ in kolehiyala accent to show any kind of extreme emotion – ‘ayyy, shheeettt, nag-split na sila? ‘ayysss, shheeettt talaga?
When somebody gives you a compliment, instead of saying thank you, you say ‘hindi naman’
Leave a Comment October 15, 2009
There’s Angelique eyeliner and Johnson’s Baby Powder compacts lurking in your makeup drawer
You use Perla soap on your face
You have several pairs of ‘tsinelas’ at your doorstep
You deliberately flaunt your pager and cellphone
You find dried-up morsels or rice stuck to your shirt
You check labels on clothes to see where it’s made
You hang your clothes out to dry
You’ve had the same bobbed hairstyle since high school
You wear fake or original Tommy Hilfiger shirts in bold and shouting prints
Your next goal is to buy Polo or Burberry’s bag
Your ponytail ribbon covers half your head
You wore kung fu shoes in high school
You use an umbrella for a shade on hot summer days
You play basketball in you chinellas (slippers)
Leave a Comment October 15, 2009
Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune in reverse
You have a rosary on your car rear view mirror
Your car horn can make three or more different sounds
You have those air fresheners in a bottle
You own a Mercedes Benz and call it a ‘Chedeng’
Your car has curb feelers on it
You have a fake banana display attached to your car window
You own a huge van conversion
You do not try to avoid pedestrians
A traffic cop says “your license expired eight years ago”
A road sign that says “Dangerous curve, Death toll 19″ causes you to make another accident
For you a yellow light means ” go paster”
A traffic cop is known to you as a “crocodile”
You refer to a female driver as a “lesbian”
You insist on fitting 8 people into a taxi, much to the distress of the driver, and say, ‘we’re making ‘kandong’
Leave a Comment October 15, 2009
You were raised believing every Filipino was an aunt and uncle
Your dad or uncle was in the Navy
Your mom or sister is a Nurse
You get smelling kisses from your grandma
Your parents call each other mommy and daddy
You know someone with a name that repeats itself, i.e. Jon-Jon, Len-Len, Jong-Jong, or Bing-Bing
You have aunt & uncle named Baby, Girlie or Boy
You know a veteran dynamite fisherman called “Lefty”
You have a dog named whitie, blackie or bantay
Your parents call each other ‘Mahal’ and they call you ‘Anak’ or by your wonderful Filipino nickname you’ve had all your life (Jang, Cici, Meng, Choy-Choy, etc) ….and you KNOW they’re mad at each other or at you when they use actual names
Leave a Comment October 15, 2009