“BATTLE OF THE BRAINLESS

1.
Host: What “N” (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines?
Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!

2.
Host: Saan “B” (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa back?
Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter “L” (Luneta).
Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, “R.P.” ang initials ng modern name nito. (Rizal Park).
Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

3.
Host: Saan “B” (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant: Beerhouse!

4.
Host: Anong “L” (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant: Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya “boy” at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

5.
Host: Anong “S” (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?

6.
Host: What “S” (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines?
Contestant: Sunflower?
Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter “A”.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa “S”,nagtatapos sa letrang “A”, at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer.
Contestant: Si…Sharon Cuneta!

7.
Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia?
Contestant: Carole KING?
Host: Hindi, ASIA nga eh! Mas mababa sa king.
Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?
Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant: Jerry PONS?
Host: Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!

8.
Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa “Y”.
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!

November 25, 2012

Help Wanted in America

There was one Pinoy who went to America and looked at the classified ads for painting jobs. He came across the “Help Wanted” section that read – “Wanted: Painter of Porch”, and thought that was perfect for his capabilities.And so he went to the American who posted the ad.

American: I need my porch painted in a day. You need to scrape all the paint up to the bare surface, and apply a coat of primer then two final coats of orange paint. Can you do that?

Pinoy: Oh yes, sir.. yes, sir! I can remoob the paint then apply orange paint beri well!

American: Ok! You got the job. Just get everything you need from the trunk of the car.

After 3 hours…

Pinoy: Sir, work is pinis oreydi!

American: Wow! I’m amazed you did it in 3 hours. Did you scrape all the old paint to the bare surface?

Pinoy: Oh yes, sir! Yes, sir! I tanggalated all the old paint!

American: Well then, here’s your $20 bonus!

Pinoy: Golly, sir! Tenk yu beri much. But sir, you don’t heb a porch.. your car is a BMW…!

November 21, 2012

Jose Rizal

Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?

Juan: Di ko po kilala.

Guro: Ikaw Pepe?

Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala…

Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?

Pedro: Ma’m, baka po sa kabilang section sya!

October 11, 2012

Regalo ng asawa

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko…

Pedro: Ano regalo mo?

Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.

Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?

Juan: Kahit ano basta yung may DIAMOND.

Pedro: Ano binigay mo?

Juan: Ha, eh di, ….. Baraha.

October 11, 2012

Job interview

Prospective Employer to Applicant: ‘ So why did you

leave your previous

job?’

Applicant: ‘ The company relocated and they did not

tell me where!’

Leave a Comment October 11, 2012

Love is

Love is a hidden fire, a pleasant sore, a soothing pain, an

agreeable

torment, a sweet wound, in short – a gentle death! Ang

lalim! Grabe…!

Dati Love is blind lang, eh!

October 11, 2012

Use Paul in a sentence

American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:

American: Use my name 4 times in a sentence!

Pedro: Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming

Paul.

October 11, 2012

Bigo ka ba sa luv?

eto ang mga BEST partners :

Kuba: Mapagkumbaba

Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan

Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo

Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words

Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!

October 11, 2012

Baliw

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello… may tao po ba

sa Room 168?

Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?

Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

October 11, 2012

Kuya ko

Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin

Girl: Bakit?!

Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!

Girl: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!

Boy: Yun nga eh…gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!

October 11, 2012

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